Meet Some 31 Day-ers On the Journey

I'm participating in a great 31 Day's worth of blogging with some amazing peeps and with some at The Nester.


I thought I would share a link up here to some of the amazing ladies who are on this 31 Day journey with me. Not only are these some amazing people, but they have some great material to share as seen through a Biblical perspective!

Feel free to visit often and comment!

Chick Chat



Curly Girl Meets Grace


Coffee At Lulu's



InspirReD LiVing


Morley to Love


Enjoy and check back often for more 31 Days of Parenting Tweens & Teens!

Day 4 - A Tween Girl and a Momma's Heart

I can always remember always wanting to have a daughter. I was blessed with a bonus son when I met the love of my life CR. I became pregnant shortly after we were married and was blessed with another son. Oh the joys of having two boys! It's great, but in the back of my mind I still wanted a daughter. It was several years later, after a life lived overseas with my military husband before we decided to try again. I remember when we found out I was expecting, a little whisper of hope grew inside my heart and I dared to think it might be a girl. I was prepared to hear the words, "It's a boy!" from the doctor at the ultrasound visit. The visit that CR and I fought the entire way down to the office. I seriously thought he was ruining this moment for me. This would probably be the last child for us. As I lay on the table, waiting as the cold gel rubbed against my skin, both CR and I peering into the ultra-sound screen as if we knew what we were looking at, laid aside our argument and waited for the answer. Is it a boy or girl? It's a GIRL she said. Oh how my heart leaped at that very moment and I think a tear fell from my eye. I was so happy!

Fast forward and now that sweet, tiny girl who came into the world weighing exactly 8lbs is now almost taller than me. She wants to wear my shoes with heels (because her shoe size is the same as mine)and play dress-up and put makeup on. This is way too much for me to handle. She is a tween. That age when a girl becomes a young woman but not yet a teenager by definition. The age when hormones and body changes all happen at once and you almost forget that you actually gave birth to this unknown person looking back with you with her head tilted to the side and her hand placed firmly on her hip. It totally sneaks up on you when you are least expected!

I prayed over her when she was little and vowed to the Lord that I would try really hard to have a good relationship with her. I was willing to do my part in helping us have a great relationship. I want to always show her love, support and to help guide her through those sticky years that all girls deal with. I want to help guide her to accept Jesus as her Savior and grow in her relationship with him. This last year has totally been a transition year. I say that for many reasons. Her body has been changing, her heart has been changing, her mind is changing, her moods are changing and I'm just trying to keep up without coming unglued.

This momma's heart wants to shelter her from the outside world. The one with shorts too short and tops to low and mid-drifts showing more than most bathing suits should. The one that tells her she's too fat and that she is not good enough. This momma's heart wants to help guard her heart from the hurt of broken promises from boys or girls who can't see her God given uniqueness. This momma's heart also knows that this isn't possible. This momma knows that I have to help her know that God desires His best for her and that by her obedience to Him is an everyday part of living.

Let me share with you a few helpful tips on navigating this journey with your Tween Girl.

1. Pray-Pray for your heart to be open to Holy Spirit's leading. Pray for wisdom as you communicate with her.
2. Seek out Wise Counsel- We were never meant to do life alone. Find someone who has walked this path before with success and ask for some mentoring in this area. What worked for them? What didn't? What would they change if they could go back?
3. Don't assume that your child understands what is happening to her body - These changes may happen sooner than you think. Be prepared to talk about them. Let them ask questions. Give them the tools and let them help pick them out. (deodorant,razors etc...)Talk to them about the hard stuff (you know what I'm talking about moms)and tell them the truth, God's design for them instead of letting the world give them its truth. The standards haven't changed even if we didn't live up to them.
4. Keep your eye on the goal - Relationships grow over time. Dedicated effort, time, and communication are all keys to running your best race.
5. Be your daughters #1 fan - She needs to hear from you how well she is doing. It is easy to fall into the trap of what they are doing wrong. Focus on saying something positive to her everyday. Place sticky notes on the bathroom mirror with encouraging scriptures or in her lunch box.

I love Psalm 78. It is a charge to make sure that we do not hide God's truth from our children. We must ensure we are always pointing them to Christ. Continually share with your child times when God showed up in a big way. Continue to set your Hope on Christ for He is light by which we can be guided as parents On The Journey of parenting tweens and teens!

Be blessed sweet friends!
Sherry

Day 3 - Great Resources for Parents of Teens & Tweens

As someone who rarely takes a break from technology and most recently finished up being a full time student for over two years, I find it hard to sift through the myriad of resources for parents who are transitioning from the toddler and young elementary years to those of T&T's. I'm not sure if for some reason no one wants to talk about these tricky years or somehow think it will go away and your child will somehow wake up at 18, ready and raring to be the ideal productive citizen with very little intervention from you.

I thought I would share the highlight reel of my favorite go to resources for parenting a tween and teenager.

The Bible! Yes, this is my go to parenting guidebook. When I feel defeated or need guidance, His word speaks clearer than anything about raising children. Seeking wisdom is paramount. Provers 4:1-9 speaks of seeking wisdom, teaching our children to seek wisdom and encourage the next generation to seek God's wisdom above all else.

A great book out this year by Ken Blanchard, Phil Hodges and Tricia Goyer called Lead Your Family Like Jesus is a great book. I have Blanchard/Hodges Lead Like Jesus leadership book and is a constant resource for me.



Focus on the Family
If you don't already know about this FREE site full of FREE resources, you are missing out. I go to it for marriage, parenting, kids and all sorts of fun and exciting material. They offer a free magazine called Thriving Family that you can also get in digital form.




Plugged In
This media review section of Focus on the Family constantly has updates for the latest movies, TV, books, video games and much more. They are definitely worth checking out!



These are just a few of my favorites. I hope you check them out. I'll try to share more throughout the 31 Day's Journey of Parenting Tweens & Teens!

Are there any resources you could share with me? I'd love to hear from you!

Sherry

Day 2 Straightening the Arrows

Day 2 - 31 Day Journey of Parenting Tweens and Teens





Life goes along, things seem to be on track, and then BAM! It happens. Out of the blue, when you least expect it. When you aren't looking for it. When you aren't ready for it. This IT I'm talking about is lying.

Lies keep the truth hidden. Lies separate us from God's best. Lies create cracks in the parent-child foundation. How do we help develop Godly character in our children, especially when it comes to lying?

When I've caught my children either by omission or by out-right lying it is like a dagger through the heart. I feel so hurt and disrespected, but mostly hurt. Oh my! These moments with my children often turn into more of a heart lesson for me than for my child. See, we are no different than our children. I believe Jesus feels the same way when we hold back and lie to him. He knows our heart! Nothing is hidden from Him!

Proverbs 25:18, " Telling lies [about others] is as harmful as hitting them with an ax,
wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow.

Oh, how I felt like a sharp arrow had pierced my heart! Where did this come from? Why was this happening? What am I supposed to do now? In the heat of the moment it is hard to keep your cool. I'll admit throughout some of these conversations when lying is involved, my voice can get loud. There are times when you will need to table the discussion for later; either for times sake or other demands. Usually, these things happen right before everyone has to leave for school or work, or even late in the evening when the day should be over. Often, this is probably a good idea. When you can step back, take a breather, usually cooler heads prevail.

I learned this with our oldest son. Whatever the issue is, if your child is getting angry, and you are too...stop and focus on YOUR behavior, not your child's. Are you escalating the situation? As parents we often focus on being RIGHT versus TEACHING and helping them see our heart and also God's heart about the situation. When I can keep calm, the situation often goes much smoother...for all involved!

Let's set up a good road-map for this journey.

1. Work on your relationship with your own Heavenly Father! Set your GPS to follow Jesus every day! For it is through this relationship with the one who created you that will provide whatever you need to be the parent for the child he has given you. These children were HIS first. Everyday obedience and reliance on Christ Jesus is essential for being a good parent.

2. Pray for any hidden things to be revealed. 1 Corinthians 2:10, "But God has revealed it to us by His spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God." (NIV). Search your heart and ask God to reveal anything that may be happening with your child. We don't have privacy in our house. Phones, vehicles, and bedrooms, are all subject to short-notice inspections. You'll know if something is up, and then ACT on it.

3. Check your ego at the door. This isn't about winning. This is an opportunity for them to see your heart. It is a chance for you to direct them right back to God. Proverbs 2:1-5, "My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God." (NIV) If you catch yourself heading down the road of ANGRY VOICES and POUNDING FIST, stop! Take some time and then come back to the table and address the issue. If you do deal with it in the moment, keep it to the point at hand. Don't bring up something unrelated. Deal with the issue at hand and don't get sidetracked. Talk about God's best and how lying can be a slippery slope for other sin to creep in. Don't use, I don't want you to lie...say God has rules for us and they are good. To be more Christ-like we must follow and obey his commandments and boundaries for our life. Consequences can be figured out later.

4. Communicate EVERYDAY! No matter what is going on in our busy lives, find a way to connect with your teen/tween every day. I know it is hard between school, sports, homework, dinner, errands, dr. appointments, events and everything else in between, but JUST DO IT! A little conversation goes a long way in discovering where and what your child is thinking on. Just as my husband and I need a daily download, your kids do too! I find the car is a great place running between activities.


There will be bumps in this road with your tween and teenager but take heart! God has given you everything you need to be the parent you need to be to the children He has given you! Isn't that great! Ecclesiastes 3:9-11 says, "What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time." (NIV) We don't always get to see the fruit of our labor during these years, and often it feels like we are truly toiling away with no results. Keep up the good work parents! We are helping to straighten the arrow so we can send them out into the world and make a difference for the kingdom of God! Psalm 127:4.

Blessings sweet friends! I'd love to hear how you handle the tough issues like lying in your house? Good or bad?

Sherry

For more 31 Day'ers check out The Nester.