Sunday, January 20, 2013

A week that showed my weakness.

Very rarely do I feel unequipped to handle my circumstances. My lean forward attitude usually helps me through from the mundane to the complicated and all the stuff in-between. I'm like you, most of the time I feel I have it together and can handle most days with a laugh, a smile and a good cup of coffee. I rest in the truth of Jesus Christ and yet I was reminded this past week how truly weak I am without my heavenly Father's help.

My head knowledge was but a fleeting wisp compared to the raw emotions that rose up from within me. A recent study, Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst ran through my brain, have a plan, know your truths and rely on the name of Jesus. This situation was the choice to let our precious family pet of four years rest.

A sudden unexpected situation to derail me. Derail my family, take away my joy and leave us feeling hurt were just a few of the thoughts filling my mind last week. My weaknesses exposed. I didn't understand it. I didn't have all the answers. I questioned my decision. I reminded my hubby back in November that we should expect some spiritual warfare. We were moving with a different spirit, our family fully attempting to live as servants for our Savior. It has been my experience that anytime I was stepping out in Faith, truly relying on the Father, attacks seem to be ever present.

This particular circumstance reminded me that during this emotional decision I had to ask the Holy Spirit for discernment and direction. The hardest decision, for me, was to sit with my daughter at the vet and make the best decision for our pet. He suffered. He had suffered for two weeks. There was no treatment (that we could afford) that would guarantee that his suffering would get better. I had already felt as if we had been in dog hospice for the past few days leading up to this day. The day before this, our pet seemed to be on the mend. He had a better day than he had in a while. The hope set in.

Then it was over. Oh but let me tell you friends. God was glorified through it all. Only after shedding some tears can I write that our family pulled together. We read from scripture, lay prayer hands together and shared in the sorrow. This circumstance gave us the opportunity to share Christ to our children in a different way. They saw that we, their parents don't have all the answers and we turned to Jesus for our comfort and direction.

Ephesians 3:17-19 says, "So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith that you being rooted and grounded in love may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." ESV.

Through this journey we relied on Christ. Each struggle isn't made to break us, its to keep our focus on Jesus. He uses every circumstance for His glory. For me, in my weakness He is made great!

In one of my favorite songs by Cherry Keaggy called "Grindstone" she says, "For He has been faithful, not just to fill me but take me to heights I have never explored, but if I'm never broken, how can I be restored?" I'm thankful for Jesus' love for me through this tough journey. It is His love that comforts me and shows me that He has better things in store for me and our family.

Our dear dog, Murphy was four years old. He was very dear to us but know that it was his time to go. I'm sure he's chasing squirrels up in heaven!

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