Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Questionable Pasts, Moodiness and Worry Warts

Wow, I had a great weekend with the family celebrating Memorial Day. I actually took some time away from the computer, but not my beautiful devotional time...that was too good to miss.

God used so many people who had questionable pasts. They went on to do so many good things. Look at the disciples...what a bunch of misfits and there was no Oprah or Maury shows to help them work out their issues...but God chose them nonetheless to serve with him on his journey. There was Tamar, Rahab, Bathsheba, women who had questionable pasts and still God chose to use them for His purpose and were given favor with Him. How many times have I judged people with a pasts? Probably too many times to count. This is probably why so many people guard theirs with an iron gate. I'm learning to get better at being with the broken, it makes me feel close to Christ. I know he went and sought out the hurting and broken and lives were truly changed. I still need help in the judgement department...

My moodiness can often get in my way of being a good mom, wife, neighbor...well let's just say everything can be affected immensely. I have to control my moodiness and try not to let it get the best of me. Have you ever had your hours before church be the most intense, outrage flowing from your fingertips, your kids out of their mind morning? Then we walk into church all smiley and sweet and FAKE, saying "hallelujah sista." Instead of taking in all God's glory and his beauty on His day...I'm ready to explode at why my family has lost their ever-livin minds. I need to remind myself God has created this beautiful day, a day that I get to see a sunrise or a bird sing or just have a family that loves me. I'll just have to remember to have chocolate on hand during those really bad days....ladies are you with me? Lol.

I come from a long line of gabbers. I also come from a long line of worry warts. Yes, worry seems to be a prerequisite for living in a small town. Each week it seems to turn to whatever the hottest topic of the week is. Joe, Betty's husband is in the hospital, could be cancer; Nancy's daughter is pregnant, can you believe it; John's business is going under, he's gonna have to sell the farm, bless his heart. If it isn't one thing it's another. I once heard a saying that went like this: Why worry, you'll have no time left to pray about it. Worry is often the first step in any crisis. We constantly fill our time with "what ifs." We will try to figure it all out in our heads, run down the list of pros and cons and get ourselves all worked up. I have to tell you, I'm a recovering worry wart. I worried to the point of making myself sick. I even had to take medicine for it for several years. Praise God, I don't deal with that anymore. It's isn't that I don't worry, but God has shown me that He needs to be my first defense or offense in any situation. I try to go to Him first, not last. I know he listens and I am realizing how valuable I am to Him.

I really loved today's devotional. Martha S. puts pressure on all of us to do it better, bigger and by-doggie beautiful. I've had to really talk myself out of trying to be a master at everything. Acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses has been a really tough journey. I want to be good at everything. But God didn't make me that way. Giving up the perfectionism part of myself is still complicated. I'm learning that I fall down everyday...that verse in Romans 3:23, I've quoted a million times... However, I get up and continue on the path and purpose that Christ has for me. He will figure out the details, I am not in control and truly surrendering to His version of beautiful and not the worlds is an everyday struggle. I know that only through Him I can have the strength to look in the mirror and tell that person looking back that God loves me. Now, it's off to cook dinner, mop the floors, entertain the kids, grade school work, read another chapter, write another article, leap tall buildings in a single bound....blah blah blah...

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